So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
