Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
