mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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