Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
