just come out here and I will go home with you...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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