he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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