i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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