You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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