Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I will pee on everything he values.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
