My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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