Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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