So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
