I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
