ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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