Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
