I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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