We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
