We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
