Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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