My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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