He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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