you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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