3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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