I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
