and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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