the new term for farting is butt boxing.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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