i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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