mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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