dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
