I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
