Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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