I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize