I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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