I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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