I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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