Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
