im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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