Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
