Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
