i just wanna soil my oats bro
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
