You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize