Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Terrible idea I love it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
