she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
