if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
someone owes me an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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