This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
