omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
