you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
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I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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