I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My ass is underappreciated
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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