either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
