I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We had to coat check the pizza.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
