he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize