Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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