It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
