I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
