you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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