She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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