Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
