So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
