the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
