Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My vagina just clenched in fear
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
