No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
