we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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