Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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