Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he puts the penis in happiness.
this just has baby written all over it
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
