i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
