I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
