I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
