I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
