This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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