like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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