so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i barfeds in our rink
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
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I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
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Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dicks are not precious.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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