I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
