Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
