Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
