I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
