Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
