i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
