My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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