I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
