Apparently you make a good broom.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
