we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
