She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
