i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
