haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I puked a lego.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
