remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
