I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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