A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
