All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
