I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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