Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
